The Myth of the Perfect Dad

You're spending more time with your kids than your dad ever spent with you — and somehow the guilt is worse than ever.

Connor and Pastor Scott tackle the myth of the perfect dad head-on: where it comes from, why social media is lying to you, and why your kids don't need a flawless father. They just need a present one.

In this episode:

• Why 57% of parents report burnout — and what's actually driving it (Ohio State University, 2024)
• The science of "Dad Brain" — how fatherhood literally rewires your brain and why your role is irreplaceable
• Why consistency beats intensity every single time
• What it looks like to be a steady, predictable anchor in your kid's chaotic little world

Anchor Verse: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." — 2 Corinthians 12:9

The world will tell you you're not enough. God says your weakness is exactly where He shows up.

Transcript

Introduction

SPEAKER_03 0:00

The unrealistic expectations and the myth of the perfect dad. The truth is that you'll never be perfect. We're gonna make mistakes, we're gonna fumble. But the outside world telling you that what you're doing isn't right or isn't perfect is nonsense.

ch1

SPEAKER_03 0:13

So let's jump right into it. So

The Myth of the Perfect Dad

SPEAKER_03 0:15

kicking things off with the myth of the perfect dad, right? So these unrealistic expectations that are placed on dads today, we fall into this category, obviously, that spending three times more with their kids, like and more than what their own dads did with them. And you know, the guilt and pressure of never being there or never being present, or if you're at work and you have this guilt that comes over, and I'm curious to get your thoughts on what do you see in today's world tough.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

Well, I think it's just it's tough because we see more of other people's lives than we ever have before. If I have a nine to five and I'm married and I come home and then I try and focus on my family, the reality for a group of people that has become very loud on social media is, you know, I can get all this extra time with family and vacation, and then we're doing that. And I think the issue is that is like a fraction of our actual population that lives that way. But mentally, we live as if that should be or could at minimum could be our life as well. Yeah. And I don't think that we ex do a good job just of accepting like the reality of our situations, our lives, just that we aren't the same as other people. You know what I mean? Yeah. But I think for dads specifically, it can really create that perception of like, well, because I don't look like them, or because I'm not where I really want to be, we live in what we would call like the gap there, right? Um, which is a whole other lesson.

SPEAKER_03 1:51

Yeah, well, I mean, because you might not be on one opposite end of like the spark, you could be right in the middle, and it's for I know for me personally, it's it's

Financial Pressure & Social Media Comparison

SPEAKER_03 1:59

the expectation of doing extravagant trips as families and going to these places. I want to do that for my family. Haley will say, This will be so fun, let's go do this. And I'm like, like that would be fun, and then I I do feel guilty. It's I don't not want to do that. And it it will drive this just thought into my head of if I don't do this, am I not a good dad? Right. If I don't take them to this, if I don't take them on this like Disney trip, if I don't take them to this resort on the at the beach or whatever it may be, I'm just like, am I not doing enough for them? Am I not providing enough for them? Because everyone I see on social media, they're doing these awesome trips, they have these awesome toys, they have these awesome things. And I for I I the unrealistic expect expectation that I feel is the financial one. Yeah. Of because I I know I'm present with my kids, and it's got it's hard not to be working from home, but I know I'm present, but the financial gap of not taking them like to Europe or to South America, and I'm like, you know, but I will, and if if Haley really wants to do it, and the kids, even though they don't really know that they want to do it, but Haley's like, Do you guys want to go? And they're like, Yeah, I'm like, you don't even know what you're saying yes to. Um I I will feel that guilt, and then I'll probably end up spending the money that we don't have to do it. And then we come back and I'm looking at our account, and I'm just like, why did we do this? Because we felt like we had to, or and that's why we felt like we had to do it, and that's where I that's where I personally struggle, and I feel like some a lot of dads nowadays do. And when you look at how many people are in debt now, it's wild. Yeah, just everything is everybody who I know, it's like for sure.

SPEAKER_02 3:52

The Bible talks about providing for your family, quick gains in Proverbs is not a wise pursuit because they typically disappear quickly, whereas gaining over a slow period of time would be a wiser gain. Well, that's not the attractive option. And that mindset on the myth of the perfect dad, I want to take my kids on that trip now. I miss the mark.

SPEAKER_03 4:11

I I can't afford to do this right now. So I feel like a failure. I wish that I would just pause and open communication with the family. Hey, like, this is why we just can't do this right now.

SPEAKER_02 4:23

The Bible talks about wisdom so much. I am not saying debt is something that the Bible speaks to.

SPEAKER_03 4:28

Now,

Kids' Performance & Parental Guilt

SPEAKER_03 4:29

what about your kids' performance is a direct correlation to how you are as a father? A lot of dads will feel almost like at a loss. I feel like I was struggling with when Haven took a walk. What's wrong? What did I just wrong?

SPEAKER_02 4:43

I mean, yeah, be compassionate toward yourself, right? Understand that uh the more that you put that pressure and weight on yourself, especially if it's not your issue, yeah, the tougher it's gonna be for you to actually get over that hump. Yeah. Shiloh didn't start walking until he was 16 months, he just took longer to walk. Yeah. Well, I would feel a lot of pressure to like control something that at the end of the day is not really in my control.

SPEAKER_03 5:10

Yeah. And I feel like that's where like it's just a lot of men struggle having to come to terms with don't have control.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

Yeah, you know, better for sure.

SPEAKER_03 5:18

But yeah, no, it's um it's it's it's just you don't have control in those situations, you know. It's with when you have kids, it's everything is just really up to God, their development, how fast, slow it may be. And I feel like men struggle with accepting that. And so they try to overcorrect or they'll try to come in to fix something that doesn't need to be fixed. Right. You know, and then when you do that, you're doing more harm than good. And it's just a struggle.

SPEAKER_02 5:47

And I think there's a difference between like I'm not giving my kid the support they need, which is like, let's say they're behind in school and you haven't explored getting them a tutor. Maybe get them a tutor, you know what I mean? Like take the necessary steps to help them. There's no shame in that either. No, not at all. But if your child has a legitimate learning disability and you think in your mind, why aren't they performing like every other kid? Well, obviously, yeah, circumstances are uh are important when it comes to that kind of thing. So I think it's even just like again, it's giving ourselves grace, but it's also understanding and recognizing like all of our stories have limits. Usually most of our stories are not how we want it to end up going, you know what I mean? Yeah, and that is an okay reality. You don't have I think that's where people get really frustrated, is like, I'm gonna force my story to be different. And it's like maybe that's just not possible.

SPEAKER_03 6:41

Yeah, I just because I really don't understand like why you know we will let outside factors like the comparison, this comparison culture of like for your example, like when you just said like uh Shay's grandmother how's like well, you know, I had so-and-so walking when they're nine months. Everyone always comes in and just provides their their input for I didn't ask you, you know, and yeah, we will let that kind of simmer and be like, well, why aren't why aren't they walking or why aren't they talking or why aren't they doing this? And um it just it it will lead this overthinking, this overcorrecting for the for the men and and moms, for dads and moms out there who who let those words from the outside dictate your your parenting style or how well you're doing, it will lead to just a burnout phase, like a true burnout, where you're everyone who says whatever it is, well, I they were eating solid foods when they were this old, and they did this. It's like that's great for you, but it will lead to burnout if you let it affect you, and then you start to try and to meet that expectation.

SPEAKER_02 7:51

One thing Shay does so well is rather than inserting her opinion, she will ask a question. So that's a great quality. Oh, she's so brilliant. I mean, like we have a friend who just had a child, and rather than being like, oh, when Shiloh was X months old, he was doing this, what she'll do is say, Oh, you know, X is X amount of months old. Have you guys started doing or have you considered doing? Because that is a far more exploratory way of still getting to the same conclusion. Like, hey, if you have a shared experience, then she'll be like, oh, he was so funny. Usually it's about food. Oh, he was so funny when he was eating that. But it takes the pressure off of the person to be like, oh man, she just said that Shiloh was doing that at X months. Like, should my child be doing that? Yeah because they're like, I think even times we unintentionally put that pressure on those around us just by the way that we communicate. So yeah, even just a small tip on the communication side of like just be very, you don't have to be hyper-aware, you don't have to adapt to every person in the room, but be aware of how you carry yourself and what you say. Because I think that stuff does, to your point earlier, yeah, it lives in somebody's mind a lot longer than we think. Yeah. It could be a throwaway comment to us, could be uh a long seed planted in the mind of somebody else.

SPEAKER_03 9:16

Yeah, no, that's tough. It it it is because I mean, especially when it comes from like family, like if you have any family members that are in the same like stage of life that you're in, like close in age and they're also having kids, the comparison between cousins, that's a real thing. And it's almost like a race of like like the baby race of like who's gonna be walking first, who's gonna be eating who's gonna be speaking first, and it's it's just exhausting.

SPEAKER_02 9:44

And even just comparing behaviors at different stages, right? Like uh Shiloh has an older cousin who's my nephew. We're about to have a niece in the family who's yet to be born, but will be born in the next few months. And even just like, I'm already laughing, just thinking about like how we will look at nephew one versus Shiloh versus niece three in terms of the grandchildren that are born in the family, and just how I can already hear it, like the well, they were doing this at this age, and he was doing this, and and they were doing this, and it's like, yeah, it's just funny how it all works out.

SPEAKER_03 10:18

It it's it it is, it it's funny, but it does lead to that burnout thing of just like having feeling like you have to be perfect the whole time, right? It's like your kid has to be perfect, they have to be walking at a crazy early age, you have to be, you know, speaking clearly, and it's like all of these expectations that will lead to this burnout that is a real thing. So in like 2024, there was this study that was done by what the uh so Ohio State, oh Ohio State University, go buck eyes. So they found that it was like a staggering 57% of parents self-reported experiencing parental burnout. So what the research noted, which what is pretty crazy to me, is that it was strongly associated with the internal and external pressure to be perfect. So that's in 2024, and I can almost guarantee you it's tied to that social media link of having to see these quote unquote these perfect families, these perfect kids, these these expectations that you have to be this amazing person, and it's just not real. Yeah, like I don't know if you guys know this, but social media isn't real. Like there are very few accounts out there that are very like real accounts, like not AI, but like real isn't just authentic, not like not getting like the lights all situated, it's just like natural, you know, content. Most of it is fake, it's it's it's a production. Like what you see it's people getting like even like getting their kids ready for like the shot, and it's like just take the video, like like don't waste the time doing everything to get like they don't have to like they're kids. Let them just be kids. Record that that's more genuine. Um, but it's not, and it's there, it's it's a production, so don't look at the social media aspect. There are people that think that you might think have it all together, because I can almost guarantee you that when that camera's off, it's a whole different story.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

It's either I felt too much pressure to keep it going, yeah, and that wasn't the real authentic me. Uh, or it was like this there was such a disconnect between what they were doing versus who they are as a person that it was literally like I'm living a double life. That's yeah, that's great.

SPEAKER_03 12:44

It expands past social media, social circles, relationships, it's where you go to church, but yeah, no, it's it it it is crazy because uh the whole perfect dad thing is it is a myth, it's not real. Or perfect parent, it's not real, and I would rather have a happy kid than a perfect kid, yeah, 100%. And truly, because a perfect kid, you don't have those parenting moments of like you need to struggle to to be a parent, you know, it's it's not an easy thing, and if they're perfect, then parenting wouldn't be fun, right? You know, because you'll I look back on the times when I would get super frustrated with Bo or with Haven, or I would, you know, be worried about you know, why aren't they, you know, walking whatever. But the journey of going through those things made Haley and I's relationship deeper, it made our relationship with our children deeper, it allowed us to understand them better. And if they were perfect, then it'd be so easy. Right. You know, it's like, oh, they're walking at you know, 10 months, they're we're about to eat all the food, they slept through the night, there's no issues. It's easy. It's like there's no fun in that, you know. If it's too easy, then there's no fun. Yeah, it's just too easy. Um but during those moments when I am like when they're not perfect, and it is exhausting, and you have this fatigue, there is the thing that's it's dad brain, right? And you know, it's like if your physical presence and engagement actually changed the biology of, you know, your child's long-term health, um, if you thought or knew that that was true, would it change the way that you interact with them? Um, and so in the moments where they're not perfect and I am interacting with them and I'm trying to get them to calm down or have fun, or in the moments when they're just wanting to play, and I'm thinking, oh, like I don't have time, I will get up and go play because I know based on the study that my interaction with them actually does benefit them long term. Sure. Um, so this thing that's called dad brain, um, it turns out that science proves that a father's unique style of parenting is irreplaceable. Irreplaceable. Um which I didn't know before, you know, going through this with you, and I'm like, that's actually that's amazing. And um if you don't have those imperfect moments and you don't get to actually experience that, you know, because then you're just not gonna engage with them. But you know, I feel like dads think a lot of times that they're just there to help out, like mom, say I don't really know what to do, I'm just gonna help out. Like, what like what do you need, honey? You know, and you know, it's something that they need to understand that no, you're you're needed there. You're not just there to be a bystander, you're not there just to help out, you're sorry, like to check in, check out. No, like you're needed. Yep. You know, is there anything that you do, the Wishilo, that's you know, like uniquely yours that is something that is nothing helps.

SPEAKER_02 15:51

We talked about that uh phrase that I tell him every day, just yeah to remind him who he is. Do you do the rough business identity? Um we're getting there. He's still pretty young, yeah. So we don't like rough, rough, but yeah, oh yeah, I pick him up all the time. I throw him in the air, wrestle them around. I mean, that's just kind of like I feel like your right of passage as a dad to do that at some point.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

That first the first dad throw? Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 16:12

Which he loves. He's all in on it, and we play a lot. I do feel like um I actually very much believe that the parenting style is irreplaceable because I think that's kind of why like God gives us kids, is because he's like, and I've made you to be their dad, or I've made you to be their mom. And so if I wanted to make their mom or their dad anybody else, then I would have, but I didn't. I gave them to you. So could we redo that? Yeah, I didn't I did not like the introduction. No, for sure. Let's do it.

SPEAKER_03 16:45

Do you want to kick that off? On the dad brain part? Yeah, yeah, I got you. Yeah. So if you want to kick that off, because I tried to connect it to what we were talking about before, and then I was like, No, you're good.

SPEAKER_02 16:56

Let's go. Um, yeah, and I mean I I even think that when it comes to like learning to break the perfect parent myth, you've got to get through this, like this connection or or pressure maybe even to be present in every moment, but to learn to be present in the right moments, right? Yeah. Like one of the one of the things that I know that we look through in our research is this idea of like parenting being irreplaceable, right? What the dad provides versus what the mom provides, they can't just make that up in the other spouse, right? Yeah. So that's good news for dads because that means to dad,

You Are Irreplaceable as a Dad

SPEAKER_02 17:37

you are irreplaceable. Your role, your parenting style, your relationship with your son or your daughter is a vital element to their overall development. Now, that shouldn't place that unnecessary weight or pressure on us, but I think it should absolutely shape that just reminder that, like, oh man, what you know Shiloh gets from me or Bo or Haven get from you or whatever your child receives from you, whatever that is, yeah, they're not going to get that anywhere else. They can have a father figure in their life, but they have one dad. Yeah. And that there's a difference between that.

SPEAKER_03 18:12

Oh, I I completely agree. Because I mean, I don't, I I hope no one could replace me. I feel like I feel like I'm the funniest person in the world, so no one can replace that. But no, it's um it's it's it's so true. I feel like there's there's this connection that you have as a dad with your kids that is so uniquely yours that it, you know, it it it mom mom won't be able to do it. And you know, uncles or friends, like none of them, no one can do what you do as a dad. And if you haven't found that yet, don't be discouraged by it. You know, it's it's it is it's a completely new thing that's in your life that is you're you're trying to figure out just as much as they are, you know. And um it might at first, you know, a lot I I know for me, like I was almost like jealous of Haley because of all like like how closely knit she was with Bond or with Bo and Haven. And I was like, well, I just feel like I'm in like the background.

SPEAKER_02 19:13

Did you really at first?

SPEAKER_03 19:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:16

I had like uh maybe this was just my arrogance, and it probably says a lot more about me than it does Shay, but I had this kind of feeling in my mind where I was like, there'll come a day where where he'll be daddy's boy, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_03 19:27

Yeah, I I I was I don't know, I was worried because I struggled with, I mean, again, like the connection at first. You know, I I I really struggled with the the yeah, I mean, I guess really just like the connection of like I didn't experience that when you hold them for the first time, that like deep, intimate like love. And I I felt I thought I was broken. I was like, what is going on? Like, why don't I feel this? I've every everybody says this thing, like when you when your child's born and you hold them for the first time, like you you know right then and there. And when I didn't feel that I panicked, you know, and um, you know, but I saw how easy it was for Haley, and I was like, why don't I have that? And so there was this time when I I didn't feel that, and so but as it you know, as Bo started growing up and I really started to just dive into this new phase of my life, there were so many things that I did turn in to make like uniquely mine to where I wasn't just helping out or I wasn't a bystander in the background, and that's where I realized like yeah, there are things that I can do that Haley doesn't do, you know, that things that I do that make them just belly laugh or smile or whatever it is that Haley doesn't do, but then Haley does things that are uniquely hers. 100%.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

Um and it it was so important because once I realize that, and if you're in that stage of you know, you feel like you're you are in the background, just know like it will come, and you just have to dive into it head on and just just start doing, yeah, you know, and I'm so grateful that you know my wife never put that pressure on me to have the same level of intimacy or connection in the same way as her, right? Yeah, Haley didn't do that either, which I agree. It's such a big deal. Like, if you're a spouse listening, I think maybe one of the most important things, because the reality is, like Shay breastfed Shiloh, so their connection is going to be a lot stronger, especially in those early days. Like he is literally dependent on her for life. You know what I mean? That I I obviously went back to work a lot sooner than she did. I shouldn't say obviously, I did go back a lot sooner than she did. And um, so she spent a lot more time with him. And again, I feel like it would have been really easy for me to get in that trap of like, well, I don't get the time that she does, or I don't have the connection that she does, or I don't have this, that, or the other. And I made an act. Decision to be like, nope, I am just going to be uniquely me because when I'm in the room with him, nobody else can be me but me. Yeah. And that is a mantle. Like, that is not uh, I'm more important than anybody or I'm better than anybody. It's the opposite. It is, I am no better than anybody, but I have my place in my child's life. Yeah. That nobody else can take. Yeah. No, that's that's great. It's a big deal. It's a really big deal. Uh, but the idea that uh it doesn't just change our the biology, it also changes our physiology. Parenting, being a dad actually rewires our brain. I don't know if you ever went through this moment where it comes from like uh, you know, you look at what has changed over the last decade or however many years, and people are like, what changed? And you're like, it changed the moment that I became a father, or it changed the moment that I had a girl. I heard a dad say that recently. He was like, I had a boy, but then the moment that I had a girl second, that's when a certain thing in me changed. Well, that's not just like an emotion that you feel. There is like some physiology behind that. Would you say you had a moment like that for either I became a dad or now I'm a girl dad or now I'm now whatever, you know?

SPEAKER_03 23:12

I I had I had a moment with Haven for sure. So once so girl dad moment, it was like I I and now I love both of my kids equally. And you know, it's it's so funny. Like when you have your first, and you know, again, once I was out of that phase of like feeling lost in the background or that connection, and once that connection was so tight with Bo, I was like, how in the world is there like there's no more room in my heart for any more love, you know, in the world like for like another like child? Like, like how if we have like another one, I feel like I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna feel bad because I love Bo so much. How can I split this? Yeah, yep. And like almost thinking like my heart is like like a tangible, like like a room, and bo Bo takes up the entire room, and I'm you're like sorry, yeah. I'm I'm like how you gotta scoot over a little, like you gotta make room for your sister. That is wild. And but then like when Haven was born, it was just so much more because now that I've lived it for a year and a half, and then Haven was born, you know, I I now have that super tight connection with Bo, and I'm now I love being a dad. And so when Haven was born, I was actually I was able to experience that, you know, holding them for the first time and like loving them, like I would die for you. Um so when I experienced that with her, but when I was holding uh my baby girl, that's when it was like protector mode. Like I something clicked, yeah. Something something switched where for Bo, I'm like, yeah, like you know, yeah, fall down, get dirty, whatever. And then Haven was born. I was like, nobody touch her. Like, just like this is my little angel. Yep, don't taint her with your fingertips, wash your hands. I was like, everybody just step away. But yeah, no, I it was something like and and there is I would like to do a a like not a study, a study has already been done, but I would like to do research on it of the connection between dad and daughter and son and mother. Because you always hear like daddy's girl and like mom's boy, and it's like almost as like it's like a diss, but yeah, but I feel like there's a lot of truth with that, you know. Like son always goes to mom, at least early on, like maybe throughout like middle school, high school, even, but then they dad and son get a lot closer later. Then dad and daughter, same thing, like elementary, middle school, high school, dad and daughter super tight, and then later on, I feel like it's daughter mom that get more tight because I think it's a a similarity thing. Yep, there's more understanding and I feel like when you're younger, you're looking at your mom as like for me. Like, I was always looking at my mom like I and I I love her so much, and just like best friend, everything else, and like dad was more of the and don't think it's the wrong way, mom, but like that was like the authority figure. Like I was almost in, I was intimidated by him. Like, I I felt like the things that I was like interested in, or like whatever, were my mom could match that same level of excitement. My dad was very business forward, everything else, because I mean that's who he was, that's who he is. Um, and I almost didn't want to be like, Hey, like, do you find do you think this is really cool? You know, because I was like, it's probably not that cool. But then as I got older and I started liking the same things that he likes, and we started to relate more, especially when you know in college and all, like him being able to now tell me like his college stories and everything else like that. Um we clicked more, and we always were really close, but then we got like really close later on. And then for my mom and I, we've always just been like super tight. And so I am curious if that's like when your daughter's born as a dad. If you have a daughter, is that the same thing? So if you have a daughter and you're listening, did you also experience that? Like, was it something that you felt like an instant connection to her? You know, instead of instant connection to him, your like your son. I I would be curious if you guys did have that connection for sure because if so, maybe we should do a study on that and see if we can get it published. That'd be pretty cool. But did you feel that with Shiloh?

SPEAKER_02 27:31

Right away. Yeah. Mine's very different though. Shiloh is carrying our family name. Little legit. I am my brother and I are the last stewards of our family line right now.

SPEAKER_03 27:40

Yeah, Bo's less psyches too.

SPEAKER_02 27:42

And my brother and his uh amazing wife are expecting, and that's the niece to come. What about the pressure on that? As men having a boy, I really felt it at first. I felt that at first, too. Kind of like, you know what? Well, not I mean not anymore. No, for sure. But I even just my disposition on it in general, like even if Shiloh doesn't carry it on, I just kind of write that up to then okay, that was God's that was God's plan for our family. We've had enough stewards. Yeah, it's like, all right, we're done. We're done. Yeah, I'll give some more to the maiden names and stuff like that. Yeah, but yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:16

I was yeah, because like that I was worried about that. I mean, it was before we knew Bo was a boy, um, I I was I was stressed. I was like, how do we do this? Like, like if it's a girl, like there's so much, like there's so much pressure for a boy after, and I don't know why, like why it's this big thing for men. Like, it it's it's a name, sure, it's a last name, you know. It's not like your worth as a man of like if I don't have a boy to carry on the our family name, it's like what is your family name? Right, you know, it's like who cares? Um, now that I I'm probably saying that because Bo is a boy and I'm like, I don't have to worry about it, but I I I don't I don't know because I feel like for the girl dads out there, it's like it I hope you don't feel that way. I really don't. I I just I pray that you don't feel this like sense of like I failed my family because you didn't. You have beautiful daughters if you're a girl dad, that's awesome. And they might decide to carry the name, they might tell the guy the best is like uh you're taking my name. Who knows? Who knows? Anyway, um, you know, so this physical act of caring for a baby actually, you know, as you're saying, like rewires a man's brain to make him a better father. Um and I I did experience that for sure with Haven. Um and then the other thing that I thought was pretty cool was this health boost study. There was a study in Penn State, so it found that warm, engaged fathering in early childhood actually improves a child's long-term health. Blood pressure, cholesterol, insulin resistance. The researchers noted that these physical health benefits were unique to fathers. You. The way that you are engaged in early childhood developments, choose to not be passive or in the background and engage with them. It does mean more than you know.

Science of Fatherhood & Rewiring the Brain

SPEAKER_03 30:16

Fathers stimulate greater vocabulary development in toddlers because men are less likely to moderate or dumb down their speech to a child's level, but that's fun.

Consistency Over Intensity

SPEAKER_03 30:28

And consistency over intensity. You don't need to plan a massive, expensive Disney trip to be a good dad. They need you to be a steady, predictable anchor.

SPEAKER_02 30:40

Short bursts of intense focus do not pay out like long term working on your body going to the gym every single day is gonna yield far more dividends than going to the gym once a week.

SPEAKER_03 30:54

And but yeah, it's um it's it's it's crazy. But

Final Thoughts & Closing Prayer

SPEAKER_03 30:59

so closing this out, is there something that you would give the dads out there that the perfect dad?

SPEAKER_02 31:04

Yeah, present dad is what will continue to matter. I'm going to focus on just keeping things aligned and in order. And you you pray that the outcome is what you hope. Yeah, you don't always win, even if you do everything right, you don't always win.

SPEAKER_03 31:18

And I felt the most at peace every time I pray, every time when I'm at church, every time when I'm serving, I'm good. With everything that's going on, like I'm present, I'm providing, I'm with the kids, I'm also showing them, I'm hopefully showing them a good role model for what it means to be a you know Christ follower. And even though I do mess up a ton, I will always ask for forgiveness and say, you know, apologize to the kids. And I'm never, you know, so prideful that I won't do that. Right. Um, but it's always brought me peace whenever I go to him, you know. And I think that that's the advice I would give any of the dads listening. It's if you feel like you aren't perfect and you aren't measuring up to like the world's you know, expectations for who you should be, just know that that's the world talking to you. It's it's not God, it's not, it's it's it's this either this unrealistic expectation that you made up in your own head. Right. And it's not real. It's not real. You you don't need to be doing all these things. And just know that if you want to get rid of that feeling, you should really consider going to God first, to pray to Him, to read the Bible, to just maybe start like a daily, like a devotional, and just start investing in that relationship. And you'll be very surprised with how quickly you'll be filled up with him and all these other outside factors are surface level, you know? Um, and that's the best advice I can I can give to any of the dads listening. It's just forget about all this other crap. Yep, and if it's making up who you are and your identity, all these other outside factors, start going to him, God, first, and just watch it just float away. Like you won't need this other stuff, you know?

SPEAKER_02 33:28

I mean, so many of our actions are shaped by our identity, and so when we learn to take care of our our our identity first, usually our actions follow that. Yeah. That's a big deal.

SPEAKER_03 33:39

Yeah. You want to close this out in prayer?

SPEAKER_02 33:41

Yeah, let's do it. Uh Lord, we thank you for all of the men listening to this podcast, all of the women too, in their role as mothers or as uh mother figures, fathers, father figures for the men. Lord, we just thank you for what you're doing in all of our lives. God, we do pray that as you continue to give us purpose in our parenthood, purpose in our marriages and our homes, God, that we would continue to give you the glory and learn to trust that it's not perfect or perfection that you desire from us, but it is presence and a continual dependence on you. So, Lord, we thank you for what you're going to continue to do in and through our lives, and we give you the glory, honor, and praise in advance. And we pray this in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Let's go.