The $300,000 Question

It now costs over $300,000 to raise a child in America. Let that satisfying number sit for a second. In this episode, Connor and Pastor Scott tackle the financial pressure that keeps new dads up at night — sometimes even more than the baby does. They break down how to make that massive number feel manageable, the needs-versus-wants conversation most couples never actually have, and the real tension between working overtime to fill the savings account or clocking out to make it home for bath time. Connor gets honest about finances never being his strong suit and playing catch-up as a young father, while Scott shares what it looked like to trust God's provision when he and Shay had next to nothing as newlyweds. Anchored in Matthew 6:31-32, this episode walks the line between practical budgeting and genuine faith — because prayer without action is wishful thinking, and action without prayer is just stress with a spreadsheet.

Scripture Referenced: Matthew 6:31-32 · James 2:26 · Hebrews 11:6 · Luke 12:15

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Welcome back to another episode of Raising Arrows. Scott Stewart alongside Connor Sykes. Super excited to jump into today's episode where we're going to talk about what we would call the $300,000 question. How much does it cost to raise the average child here in America? So a lot of good to come. We got a lot of hopefully relatable topics for you, but we want to kick it off with the Bible verse as always, help kind of set the tone for the episode. And today's kind of financial anxiety verse of the day addresses a lot of anxieties. Matthew 6, verses 31 and 32. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. In a day where raising kids in and of itself is a kind of intimidating topic, let alone an actual venture to take on. You also now have a $300 price tag added to it as well. $300,000. $300,000. 2026, Lending Tree. Just dropped a study that says raising a child in America for the first time has broken the $300,000 barrier. I don't know how that makes you feel, but uh I know that I have a lot of thoughts when I see I have almost 300,000 thoughts that go through my head when I think that. But I think a lot of guys can relate at least to the idea of not only does it cost money just to do this thing well, you know what I mean? But also to raise them up to do what you want to do with them as well. What's kind of your approach to the finances when it comes to the big numbers?

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Uh I find that breaking it down is probably the biggest thing because when I when you think about three over $300,000, and it's from when they're born to 18 years old, right? So from zero to 18, it's over that $300,000 mark, and that's just the average, you know. So that's not accounting for a lot of the, you know, depending on what state you're in, the childcare, like day to daycare, which I know is a huge expense. Massive. And so in certain states, I mean it's gonna be much higher than that. But I find that when you say the number out loud and you just think about it presently, like you have $300,000, they are gonna you're just gonna go tour towards your kid for 18 years, that's a lot of stress. But if you break it down to like an annual basis of like, all right, so you got $300,000, 18 years, roughly what $16,000, maybe $17,000 a year on average in certain states, maybe a little higher, like $20,000, $25,000. Like I think in the state of Florida, since we're here in Florida, I believe it's like $25,000. Wow. A year came out to be. Yep. And that is a much easier pill to swallow than $303,000 right from the get-go. But planning, honestly, like honestly, and I say that very loosely because I stink at planning. I'm so bad. We like we are such a just like you know, fly by what the what's it called? See if the pants. Yep, see if and like just go with the flow that this has been a huge struggle for us. It's been one of those things where we just kind of, you know, we really need to sit down and probably plan better strategically, but sure. I find we're probably gonna be over that $300, $3,000 mark.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Walk me through like what does planning look like though? Like, let's make it super practical. What are kind of the big rocks for you when you have a $25,000 mark on, you know, two kids? How do you break that down? How do you and your wife discuss that? What does that look like?

SPEAKER_01 3:33

So we we take out, so what we'll do, we'll take out the expenses that we know are coming, right? So you have like you know, your property taxes, all the things that you have to pay the government for that is like a non-negotiable, and then we take out certain things like where we have wiggle room of like groceries. Do we need to Instacart and pay the service delivery fee? Do we need to, you know, buy all this food, you know, and then when we get it, we realize we already had half of it, right? You know, and that's been one of the things that has actually saved us a lot of money is going through our pantry before you order Instacart or before you go to the grocery, go through your pantry or your fridge, what you already have, and then keep it. Don't just like throw it away and then get new stuff, just keep it, we use it, you're fine. And then also just sitting down having like a hard discussion on you know, hey, we need to stop the Amazon boxes. And I'm guilty of this too. Amazon is a blessing and a curse. I mean, it's like it's great when you need it, but then it's awful when you think you need it, but you don't need it. But it's like, oh, just add to that upcoming delivery. I'm just gonna go ahead. Uh, but you know, it's like having that conversation of like what do we need versus what do we want. 100%. And when you have that conversation of is this a need for us or is this a want for us? Then it's easier to kind of save where you need to save. Yeah, if it's a need, then I would argue that's non-negotiable.

SPEAKER_02 5:05

And it sounds elementary, but I would make the argument that a lot of couples don't even get to that stage of conversation. Yeah, a lot of couples don't even get to the needs versus wants conversation.

SPEAKER_01 5:14

Well, it's it's so instantaneous. It is, yeah. You know, so like in the moment, you're on your phone, you're saying, oh, we need this.

SPEAKER_02 5:20

I hear that a lot from my amazing wife. We needed this. That's why I bought it. It's like, really? You're using it all the time? I needed more toys for the bath. Need. You know what I mean? Need it, right? But I think it is interesting because it can seem very overwhelming. It can put a lot of the added stress and pressure on just the idea of what it means to provide for your family. Yeah. One of the anchors, I think, to all this, though, is really that faith step. It is learning to not only live within a tithe, live within a budget, live with generosity, but also to trust God that He will be your provider. I mean, I just spoke with a guy earlier this week who, you know, was weighing up some business opportunities, and not all of them would have been aligning with kind of the Christian faith. And so he came to me, you know, how do I reconcile saying no to this stuff? And that's money for my family and all that stuff. And, you know, one of the practical pieces of advice I gave him was say no to those things, but in saying no, bring them to the Lord in prayer and say, you know, God give me wisdom, give me the right open doors for the opportunities to replace those things, and then give me the faith to continue to trust that you'll get me what I need.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Yeah, you know, it's funny that you know, with us talking about this and like with the whole budgeting thing, and do you feel like as it relies mainly on men? Like, do you do you feel like and I and I know that there are a lot of women out there that feel the same like the same thing, but when it comes to raising a family and everything else, do you feel like it's uniquely male pressure that even in today's progressive world that men still feel that they have to be the ones to provide financially?

SPEAKER_02 6:57

Yeah, and it's tough, dude. I mean, this is this is a very nuanced question, obviously. And I would even say that in, you know, traditionally, obviously the male has provided the vast majority of the income. More and more, you know, females are providing more and more of the income. So I do understand that this is maybe more of a gender nuanced question than it has been in the past. But all in all, you know, the way that I personally would approach this is I I do feel a burden as the man to at least be financially responsible for the house. Yeah. I don't know that that will always look the same in every season of our marriage or income, where it comes from, who earns what, but I do know that as the male and really the head of the household, I do feel responsible for being more than just like aware of where we are financially, guiding us, leading us, setting goals, doing things like that.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

See, that's always been my strong suit. There's nothing wrong with that. That's never been me like my strong suit. Really? Yeah, like and it's it surprises people because they're always like, well, like your family, like, you know, owned like one of the businesses in Tampa, and like like, you know, like which I'm so thankful for because it wasn't, you know, I actually had like a really good relationship with my dad based on that. It was never like like yeah, I always knew he was working, but it was never like he only talked to me about work. Right. And so, but now hindsight kind of wish he did, because then I'll be like, yeah, maybe I know how to do, you know, balance our you know, checkbooks and work teaching, yeah, yeah, understand what's going on because now I'm figuring out like I'm playing catch up, you know. And it's like when Haley when we'll talk every now and then about you know setting a budget and setting things right, and I'll have to call him or a friend or like someone about what is like the best, I guess, way to do this to where we can save, like, you know, we if we want to save a lot short term, what's the method? If we want to save a lot long term, what's the best method? Yeah, and you know, then I'll actually have to sit down and like you know go through everything with them. But it's it's a lot. So I would say like start early. If you're not now, like I would say really start getting if you're not if finances are not your strong suit, yeah, definitely start asking your friends or doing your research to figure out the ways or methods to save up for your you know your family.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

That's what I was gonna say. There's more information available than ever. You know what I mean? It is it can still be hard to grasp and apply, so give yourself grace and in your learning seasons, but choosing not to learn, it is a choice to not learn. It is a choice to not grow and get better in this kind of stuff. And again, I don't think that God wants you to wear all the weight of like you've got to be responsible for every penny coming in. That would be God who's providing, but he does call us all to stewardship and handling money well and being wise with what that looks like. So I think at the end of the day, if we are anything, we are just responsible for what comes in, what goes out, and obviously building the life that we know God desires for us as well.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Can you elaborate a little bit on that though, on like the stewarding of what you have? So, like especially with your finances, because I'm sure a lot of the guys that are you know listening, if if you go to church regularly and you know, whenever you know, the you know, if you have like the offering, you know, plate that comes by or if it's all online or whatever, you know, a lot of guys I feel like are a little hesitant to give because they're just like, Well, what am I giving to? What am I giving for? And it's like, you know, why why do you deserve my money that I work for? And I was wondering if you could elaborate a little bit on like that stewardine aspect.

SPEAKER_02 10:34

Yeah, for sure. Number one, you know, I have what I would call to be like some clear principles on it, but they can be practiced differently. So, like when I say we are called to generosity, I do personally believe that we are called to tithe. Now, what that looks like, is it always 10%? Is it always to the local church? I have opinions on that. I'll save them for a more one-on-one setting and scenario. But I do we are called to live generously, we are called to take care of what God entrusts in us and not just let that stuff waste away. The Bible even kind of talks principally about what it means to grow and to steward things so that they actually flourish and become something, not just like stay as the seed that was given to you, you know what I mean? Well, then you can never stay and follow God. For sure. For sure. And you can never outgive God too. I love reminding people about this. Number one, when you're questioning, like, should I actually give to this local church? If it's not your church home, I think you're right to ask questions about where's my money going. If it's your church home and you have willingly committed to being in the same house of God over and over again, and you are not practicing generosity in some way, shape, or form, I would really push back against that. Yeah. I would have a lot of questions of do you understand why practicing generosity is important? Because again, the easy thing, and we're all, we all do it, but we will give so many other companies our money willingly, way more than we would ever even consider giving God because we receive a good service, whatever that is. You live a blessed life when you put God first in your finances. And when I say blessed, I do not mean like mega millionaire, every every lotto ticket is a winner. You live a life that is covered by the grace of God with all your needs provided for, proven by your faith. That is the promise that God gives us.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Yeah. You know, finances, it's just it's always one of those kind of touchy subjects because I feel like that so there's a lot of pressure, you know, whether it's you know, knowing where to put your finances, when to give, when, you know, when not to give, when, you know, or always questioning, like, you know, like where's my money actually going? And especially when you don't have a lot to to give. And I feel like a lot of men, especially new dads, they get stuck in the you know, working more versus being present kind of mindset. Yeah, it's like do I work the overtime, you know, to you know, absolutely like fill the savings account, or do I leave on time so I can be home for bath time? Yeah, you know, yeah, sorry, because in all honesty, you can't do both. You really can't, not consistently, no, not consistently, and you know, have you ever yourself kind of had to catch yourself thinking this way of like the justifying being away from the family to work to provide for them? Yeah, if you will.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

And I mean, this is really tough because obviously, you know, if it hasn't made your way, you know, I am a pastor of a local church, so even the ministry, like am I my number one ministry is my family. So, how can I justify doing ministry away from my family when my number one ministry is my family? Honestly, I have I've wrestled with this a lot. I've sought a lot of counsel on this topic. We have a lot of great examples, our lead pastor included, of people who do work incredibly hard but manage their home incredibly even better, even harder than they work, they're better at managing their home. It is possible to work really hard and manage your home well. Yep. It's just not easy, and I would say it is impossible without intention and a very clear order to your home.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:25

And that's that is spouse to spouse, yeah, as much as it is father to children.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

Yeah, because I feel like it's I I always hear it from like the spotty working overtime, like, oh, like I I I gotta stay late tonight, then you know we have those bills coming out. Right, whatever it may be, and it's not a consistent, like, you know, if if you are making the decision to work longer, work extra hours consecutively, then that will probably add up and pay off. But if you're doing it spotty, it's like realistically, those that little amount in the grand scheme of things isn't gonna be super beneficial. What's gonna be more helpful is you being present with your wife, helping her, helping your kids, being there with your kids. Right. And they're not gonna remember like the check that you got. You know, they're not gonna remember like, oh, like that, I remember when you worked over a time and then I got that toy that I wanted. It's like, no, because it's not going to toys, it's going towards, you know, what your finances actually need your your attention. For sure. But they will remember you coming home and like, oh, I remember when you came home last week and we got to, you know, play whatever game it was, or you know, you did bathtime and you know, daddy put down, or whatever it may be.

SPEAKER_02 15:43

But this is one that is really tough. I think mail specifically to wrestle with because the other side of the coin that I hear is like, well, they'll remember the vacation that I worked overtime for. Yeah. And I agree. I there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with pursuing those things. The way that our home approaches it, which is not always right or wrong, but if it does help you, I hope it does, is seasons. We just have seasons where dad is busier than other seasons. We have weeks where dad is away for more nights than he would like to be, or then other weeks, right? And then we have weeks where dad is able to be home more. Dad is able to be more present. And obviously, as a parent, but also as a spouse, being intentional about getting away, taking time off, making your family practically the number one priority, not just like verbally. Yeah. But then you're you're constantly gone, you're constantly working, or prioritizing practically something else. Yeah, like when you're on those trips, like try not to work. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

When you take a break, actually take a break.

SPEAKER_02 16:48

Which is wild because I still feel like there is a world where people feel that innate level of expectation. I mean, my staff at our location is phenomenal. They're all great people, work very, very hard. But the majority of them, when they take time off, will slack me, text me, do something about the church. And I'm like, why are you why am I hearing from that? I don't want to hear from you right here. And honestly, one of our employees is phenomenal about this. Not only does she not, you know, message me when she's not working, but if I'm off and I send something, she will actively tell me, message received, put your phone away. Like this is the only thing that I'm allowing. If it's a 911, break glass, hey, glass has been broken, let's move on. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I'm so grateful for that because you really do. If your family's not practically number one, then you can say it all you want. Your life will have the fruit of where you put in your time.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

There's actually, there was the verse I just read, I think, yesterday or last night. It was about, and you'll be able to, once I start it, you'll be like, yeah, so please help me. But it's the about talking about someone's faith, and it's like someone like speaking, saying that they have faith and not following through with it, and it's like there because I feel like what you just said correlates really well to that of like when you actually are speaking about you know doing this like with your family and being present and actually you know being present and being there and not working, and faith without works is dead, James. That's what it is.

SPEAKER_02 18:18

Yep, yep. That's James, too, I think it is, but it is, and that is the truth, right? And I was thinking, James, because James goes on to say, don't go on and presume that we're gonna go to such and such a city and do business and all this stuff. Your life's a vapor, you really don't know what is promised to you tomorrow. So consider the cares of today. To go back to kind of the Matthew 6 verse that we talked about at the beginning of this episode. Yeah, that is the will of God over your life. Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow in and of itself is sufficient for its troubles. Rather, seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. All these things you worry about the clothes, the food, the car, the house, all the money, the provision, all of that stuff is just different forms of provision lived out, right? Yeah. Let the Lord guide that and lead that in your life. When you don't, the realness of our relationship with God is God will be faithful to give you control. We don't want that. No. We will, he will give us control and we will do wrong. Yeah. Or we can give him control, we can live faithfully and allow him to do whatever it is he desires to do. Sometimes that is the new house, the new car. Sometimes that is just I'm faithful to give you all you need for the season you're in.

SPEAKER_01 19:36

Yeah. And I feel like that's where people struggle. It's the looking at their bank account and not seeing the provisions. Right. And so, how how do you preach, you know, like trust God's provisions on my mind?

SPEAKER_02 19:48

Dude, Shay and I have had seasons where we have like next to nothing. And thank God we're not there. But we have had seasons, especially when we were young, married. I mean, I left the workplace to come to ministry. She had been in physical therapy and left that to kind of go into like a different level of ministry, but still the same thing. And so when we first got married, I mean, we were we paid for our honeymoon and we got back and we were like, all right, what do we got left? You know what I mean? And it is very tempting to look at your physical reality and think to yourself, in fact, the devil would probably want you to do this. Think to yourself, there's a disconnect here. There's a disconnect between what I see and what God is claiming he is proving himself to be. And all I can say, without going into like an hour-long story, is we have had multiple, multiple times where we have enormous bills of some sort, medical, physical, whatever that is, where we have been provided for in supernatural ways. And I don't I don't know that that is always the story for everybody. Not everybody gets the check in the mail for the exact dollar amount. Not everybody has those. Hey, we're praying for you, and God puts you on our heart to provide for you. But everybody does have access to the same God who says he will provide. Yeah. Where our faith is required is where we feel he's not. And without faith, Hebrews 11 tells us it's impossible to please God. So not that God will only give you when you please him. That's kind of a weird relationship with that. So Hebrews 11, 6. Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

Hey, look at that, man.

SPEAKER_02 21:33

He doesn't just like wait for you to please him, to give you things. It's way better than that. That's a weird father-son relationship. God wants your faith because he wants you to believe I am who I said I am. Your son, Bo, does not wonder whether when he comes to you to ask you for something a snack, a drink, a shirt, whether you're gonna give him a new pair of pants, because a new pair of pants. Right? He trusts you. That is what God desires for our relationship with him.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

Yeah. Even though he does come up to me and kind of whisper it like that and be on the couch. For sure.

SPEAKER_02 22:07

I'm like, you did what? Hey, at least he's gonna confess it. Yeah, you know what I mean? At least he's gonna confess it.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

And it is Hebrews 11:6. Without faith, it is impossible to please God, since the one who draws near to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

Right. And again, reward is such a like, especially in the Western world, reward has been driven in our brains to think like physical reality, he rewards me if I seek him. So he'll answer my prayer if I seek him diligently, and maybe is the answer. But when he doesn't, will your faith still please him? And that that you can find a story of Jesus saying, When the Son of Man returns, will he find faith like this? And yeah, faith obviously matters a lot to the God we serve.

SPEAKER_01 22:53

Yeah, no, it definitely does. But so I guess what would be to wrap this up, what would be some final, I guess, tips for the guys out there that are, you know, thinking to themselves, okay, we are struggling financially, or I don't, I find myself working constantly, not because you know, they don't want to be present, but just because they feel like they have to, or maybe they're struggling with the whole, you know, God's not providing for me. But you know, I don't see it. I don't, I like my faith is so small with this kind of topic, like there's no way, like, how can this even how could he help? What would be some, I guess, final thoughts on going into this next week for them to either renew their kind of mindset of finances or saving or how to bring God into it?

SPEAKER_02 23:44

Yeah, yeah, I'd say kind of multi-pronged approach, many different audiences, right? To the one who has, be careful not to want too much. Yeah, right. Guard your heart against all kinds of greed, Luke 12 says, right? To the one who has not, trust that God will open the right doors. Trust that God will provide. I mean, genuinely, like I'm not saying just go to your prayer closet and just pray and just believe that God will drop it at the door. You might have to put your faith in action. You might have to, hey, if I need to make more money, do I need to find a side hustle? Do I need to go do, you know, whatever it is. Yeah, I almost said Uber Eats, but gas is crazy right now. Yeah, don't go do. But take action, right? Yeah, just don't take matters into your own hands.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

Yeah, see, people don't want to cut you off, but people I feel get confused with like God's not a magician. Right. Like you don't pray and then he's like, done. Right. You know, it's like your bank account. Yeah, yeah. Five-face ideas go check it, or take out your phone. It's like, huh? Whoa, how did he do that? Yeah, no, it's you when you are praying for, you know, like either, you know, just clarity on the you know, your current finances or where where could I where can I be serving you best to you know better my current position of just you know, because the finances, if they're low, that's stress, unhappiness, depression. So and but when you start working for him in the sense of like you're like you're looking for where he's at work and going there, getting that clarity and realizing that you still have to take that step. You can't just pray it and then have it just done. You need to take a step. So when you are doing these things that Scott's gonna be, you know, saying, and again, don't mean to cut you off. I'll just want to get it out there before I forgot it. Just make sure that you are praying and taking action.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

Yeah, and that is the that is the order, right? There is a prayer, there is an assignment, then there is action, right? There is some sort of God give me wisdom, show me the open doors, allow me to see clearly what you are doing in my life, then give me the faith to actually go follow those things out. So if you're if you're worried about what the future looks like, your first step is to reaffirm your faith in God, that he is true, that his word is true, that we'll be consistent. Then the next step is to say, God, what is my part in this? Not that God helps those who help themselves. You gotta be really careful in that theology because God will help those who could never help themselves. That is the beauty of God. But we do have many times a part to play in this. Even if the part is, God, I need to get my finances in order, so I'm gonna get on a budget for the first time. Help me show me how to do a budget where I'm not just going to Chat GBT. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Help me figure this out. And then God give me the continual faith to live this out from here. Don't just let this be a one time thing, let this be a genuine turning point. That's what repentance is, right? Repentance. Yep. A genuine turning point so that I can step into the next thing that you have for me.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

Yeah, that's great. That's great. Well, cool. Well, guys, thank you again for joining us for another episode of Rays and Arrows. And be sure to catch us next week.