The Screen Addicted Parent | Raising Arrows

You've probably already told your kid to put down the iPad today. But when's the last time someone told you to put down your phone?

That's the conversation Connor and Scott are having in this episode — and they're starting with themselves. Connor opens up about something that might surprise you: he's never really struggled with phone addiction. Not because he's disciplined in some superhuman way, but because his default has always been to find the most interesting thing in the room — and that thing is usually Beau or Haley. But Scott? He's holding his hand up. Whether it's work, sports scores, or the Kindle app he's using to feel like he's being productive while he's really just… on his phone — the pull is real, and he's not pretending otherwise.

This episode unpacks the data nobody wants to sit with: 54% of parents admit their kids are addicted to screens, but 46% admit they are too. Your toddler isn't the problem you think they are. The problem is in your pocket right now.

Connor and Scott talk through what it actually looks like to build a life where the phone doesn't win — from Connor's priority quadrant framework (urgent vs. important, a system he picked up from a speaker at Sykes that still runs his mornings) to Scott's Google Calendar method and the simple idea that your hands can't hold your phone if they're busy doing something real. They also get into the green zone, yellow zone, red zone approach to managing when you do your best work — and why doing your hardest things first changes everything about what the rest of your day feels like.

The anchor verse is Psalm 101:3: "I will not let anything worthless guide me." Using your phone isn't inherently sinful. But letting your algorithm be the thing that shapes your attention, your mood, and what your kids see you prioritizing — that's worth examining.

If your kid has ever said "Daddy, look" three times before you glanced up, this one's for you.

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Scripture referenced in this episode:
 Psalm 101:3

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome back to another episode of the Raising Arrows Podcast. As always, Scott Stewart joined by Connor Sykes. Excited to talk about today's episode topic. And we are going to take a deeper dive on what it looks like not to have our kids screen addicted. All this stuff coming out about kids being constantly addicted to whether it's their TV or whatever that looks like. Even Toy Story 5, spoiler alert, knocking screens. And more than else, it just took a major on screens.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Perfect.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Oh, perfect, perfect timing. But this is about the kid, actually about the screen addicted parent. And so we're excited to talk about. I'm excited to just confess my own sins in this episode today and talk about an issue that if we're not careful, all of us can find ourselves in. And it is simply devoting too much time to our devices and to our screens. So we're going to read Psalm 101, verse 3. I think it's a great verse that has a good practical application. Here's what verse 3 says I will not let anything worthless guide me. I hate the practice of transgression. It will not cling to me. And of course, using your phone, even using your phone frequently is not inherently sinful. Yeah. But what I do appreciate about this is number one, I will not let anything worthless guide me. I will not just let my screen, whatever my algorithm says, be the thing that guides my life. There's a lot of value in that. But I will not let anything, this practice of that could be sinful if used in the wrong way, be something that has rule over my heart and over my mind. Yeah. What's kind of your experience with this? You I feel like you have a very balanced digital life compared to many people that I know.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

Yeah, I feel like I'm one of the lucky ones when it comes to this topic. I I've never really been addicted to my phone. I don't know why. I just feel like it's I'll get on it for a couple minutes at a time, or even like when I'm like I've never suffered like dooms you're going through, and like all of a sudden you look up and five hours have gone by. For sure. I feel like I let the other outside noise then get distracted from my own phone. So I'll go on TikTok and then I'll scroll through, have a couple things. That's funny. I'm gonna send it to Haley or Scott, and then Bo will come up, or Haven will come up, or Haley will come up and hey, I need you for something. And I have no problem putting it down and going, and then I'm doing that for the next hour. Or work. We call that real life, by the way, folks. That's all he's referenced to. It's just life life happens. Yeah, for sure. And and also like when very pro in the moment, I don't have my phone on me. Or at Disney or whenever we're at the beach or really anywhere, I and Haley probably I I think this is one of the things that kind of irks her a little, is I've never I don't ever have my phone out taking photos, not trying to snap the perfect shot or whatever, because I want to be in the moment living it and not trying to get my camera up and make sure I can get the right timing. And so I don't have my phone constantly in my pocket at all times. There's another reason why I probably don't respond to text, which if any of you guys are listening that know me and have texted me and I don't respond, you know that's a common thing because I just don't have my phone on me. For sure. And so yeah, I just it's I've never really fit it apart. It's just been I just boy in the real life kind of world, the behind the screen type of world.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

Let's talk about this because there is an element of content world that is blown up really over the last few decades. But in the last few years, I would even argue post-COVID having a massive spike in at-home creation.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Obviously, you during COVID was a spike really because no one was going or no one was all indoors. How do I create or how can I engage with people and just have fun? Whatever. And so during COVID was when you saw a lot like Miss Rachel. Yeah, so it blew up. No one's in school.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

I got recently.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Yeah. Yeah. But some need to start doing something to was making money or whatever may have led her to do. Now she's um, and then a lot of the I feel like really undercraft during COVID.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

Obviously, content for her miles doing content, some of it job related, some of it just like this is my life, yeah, making content. Do you find yourself which by the way that praise them for that?

SPEAKER_00 4:08

Because when he on Haley's phone, that I never would have called.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

That's what I was gonna ask. Do you feel the tension of do I be capturing this stuff too? Because one of the what I was gonna compliment on, even though you can tell that content creation is a part of her life, I have never and we've good enough time around y'all never once felt like she's prioritizing the shot, video, the photo over the moment. Yeah, and I not the case for a lot of people, dude. Not as a big deal. But does that help you? Does that make you feel like I don't need to even have my phone with me? Because Haley, she'll get the video.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

It helped me, sure, because to be oriented. That's the pressure that I feel on because I'll be thinking, I'm like, oh, I don't even have my phone. Haley's here get all the videos and everything else. After all the photos, I forgot the best photos and everything.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

So even know that I think that in the however many days that we were with y'all, even though of my wife.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

Yeah, that was Haley's thing. It's because she'll get really good meeting, and I also reciprocate that and do better getting of kids that I cheating her. And I do like I am awful with that because awful with my phone on me now because I'm getting aware. But yeah, make she's with the kids to take photos to send to her so that when the kids are having fun then at all.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

Do you use a photo too? No, I have become taker. Honestly, is she's been very patient with me, just period, our relationship. But used to be like a photo because I know that the photos aren't like get better at you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

But smiles.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Wasn't very good. No, I just I'm creative mind, so even photos and stuff that way very well. I thought you were gonna say it. No, it's not that very good looking.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

Like kind of harsh or something.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

No, no, no, no, no. No, it's no, it's never me. I never had a problem being in photos or that. Now, I there was a season for sure where I was very much like, I don't want to just be all the time. Wanna have you know what I mean? Yeah, it just feels, but that's that's not the that Shay lives in. And I know that's not the world Haley lives in either.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Well no, like to your point that you mentioned, like she prioritized because I don't know, she's very genuine with everything, kind of job role, and business. I was worried that she was gonna that see like throughout the republics, and I'm like, oh, are we though just like one of Disney?

SPEAKER_01 6:17

I mean, just the Disney walking around, just either uh people do in life right now.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

I was like, aren't you here to enjoy the park? Well, maybe, maybe Haley, it's like but she's great, is she doesn't do she she her life as she does every day, and what she'll do phone out there in the normal and captured moment, like a forceful way, and having the kids like get in natural. That's like I don't notice it half the time. I'm thankful, praise God for that.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

She does it and you don't know, but of course, screen extends to beyond the world. And I speaking dads who are on their phones for whatever reason, this is something that if we're not careful, all of us can be too. I joked on the front end that I can hold my I really can, whether it's work, whether it's sports, whether it's simply like I'm reading. I told uh Shay the other day she's laughing because she Kindle, but I have the on my phone and they sync to each other. So sometimes walking into our room in my Kindle, I'll just sit there on my phone and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

And you get through the pages, book.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

You do, it makes you smarter. Yeah, you don't get through the book any faster. Feel so much smarter.

SPEAKER_00 7:21

So man, on my phone, I got through like 50 pages. That's legit real life.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

Three. It was 14. 14. I'm reading Confessions by St. Augustine, and it was just like, yeah, whole whole other thing. But this is a big deal, and it's something that, like I said, it's something that can creep into your life so fast. And if you're looking for an excuse to be on your phone, you'll always find one. That's the thing about these devices, always give you one. But if you can relate to this, the good news is you're not alone. 54% of parents admit that their kids are screens, but 46% of those parents admit that they too. Even recent data is showing more and more the trend that this is becoming the direction that is taking through our own parenthood. So that's curious, kind of this uh home office. You have, you know, a life where you can do a lot of activities alike. Inside, outside, there would be reason for you to have no problem being on your phone a lot. Yeah. What the difference for you to be able to say no? And how can somebody who might be listening looking for just that? Like, where do I start? Let's say I want to reduce my screen time by yeah, like where can I even start just that you do with your hands?

SPEAKER_00 8:35

Like, because if your hands are busy, you can't hold your phone. For sure, you know? And so it's really just when like we just know Haley and I know very, very well it's like when we are we're working, we're on like that's when we're like on the computers, but then the moment that out of these rooms, like this room and her office, then present with the kids. And we're always trying to do outside the pool, whether it's riding the bikes, whether it's their little craft station downstairs, always something to have their minds busy to they don't have to they're not sitting stagnant watching us or computers or phones and being like, Well, I want to watch, you know, then put on TV. And so, like, if you can just keep your hands busy, then and just plain kids when you're out of your office or when you get back home from the office, work the second that you leave your office, like there's no need to be on your phone. It was in that house with you or in with you or in that condo with you, and you don't need to talk to anybody for sure, you know? It's like it's reach out. Absolutely, but yeah, my mindset really like I need is right and like for the most here. And so if they need to call, call me and I have it on my watch and look, take a quick look, and I'll be like, I don't need to talk to them, or call them later. Um, but that's all we is just stay busy, yeah, you know, and you could probably guess that's like like today, Saturday. So we're nothing, never doing everything.

SPEAKER_01 9:50

For sure, for sure. But that I think that is that balance to there is a work, there is a time to play. Your phone, there is a for you to just you know what I mean? I think the issue is many people don't have boundaries devices, period. It's just like I live an unchecked life life that will always take you or um in the open's like, well, I hope I get over there, but I could end up all the way over. But I also think with boundaries, one of the things we love doing with is breaking boundaries.

SPEAKER_00 10:19

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

So even just I'm gonna set I used a phone that was like set in like a certain amount of for a certain app, and then when that hit, of course you could override it. And so what did I do every single day? I just okay, my hour limit on Instagram is up. This one button accountability, have no time limit.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

I'm like, all right, they say one's and then boop.

SPEAKER_01 10:45

So how did you work yourself into a place where new what a healthy balance looked like? Because you do work a lot when we're even when we're out, there are times where you've told me, you know, I had to take a meeting or I had to take a phone call, I had to respond to this. Like, how have you balanced that to you don't feel that those when they could or in could arise?

SPEAKER_00 11:04

It was my time at Sykes, we was like this came in and he did this. And you're probably familiar with it, but it's the um like low high priority, low priority, urgent, and just mentally every day I have like a little like it's a blackboard, like glass thing right there on my desk, and I write down like my task for the day. And I'm just mentally taking of okay, what's urgent, what's urgent, what is like you know, not priority, the priority. Um and I'll break up my day that way it's in my head, and then I'll get all of the priority and high priority and urgent or task means like it needs to get today. But high priority, it's like something like like taxes do, and then that's not whatever, you know, months away. And so then it's like, well, that's not urgent. Right. Um, so if I like get all my stuff done, let's say it's going through like our statements comes in. I'm gonna go um so my best to get like right when I wake up, we'll sleep, or Haley is a couple, and then I'll get the high priority urgent things done right away. And then um um low priority but urgent and then get those in. I have like more free. If we're being honest, like work unless then it's like you gotta work throughout the day and it's like I can't not be on the happy. You do, I would argue you can probably get done in 30 minutes, you know, to an hour, max focus, and especially with with the help of AI, like there are so many tasks and have it just run it for you to where you can come back and check it. I'll just merge and things done, priority or things done. And now I didn't, then I would think everything and then much, yeah. You know, that would do like this similar and like similar one eye calendar, like is on calendar. Put this on the card.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

It was always like, hey, the other shame family time, like anything we don't put on our just that's family time, is what it is, right? Fan tough stuff, eat frog, my workouts are done first thing in the morning. You ever heard no, yeah, like an Indiana thing? But it's like an old idiom though. Yeah, it's an Indiana, but that's not an Indiana finding the thing, and so the idea behind it for me, my workout done to get my quiet time done. Quiet time's tough, but by getting the most important done is fast. Yeah, just because I think that's general nature, like that's just being a good employee is what is most what needs to be done soonest, those things should move the ball forward.

SPEAKER_00 13:21

I will say I phones I got on with the time management aspect of like spending too much time like playing with like with work. But uh there are a lot of times where I need to be on my screen, sure, and I'll let them come in, and then I get the guilt of like I can probably get this done later today, and I'll go distracted, forget like and then they come in and I feel go play with them, and then now I'm out of that. What was I doing before?

SPEAKER_01 13:44

Like I was and then it's do you like speaking of do the green zone, red zone kind of approach to work? Somebody know what that is. It it's as simple as you. The green zone is this my these are my best working hours. Yellow zone is obviously the in between. I'll work here. Yeah, if you need me, the meeting may not be my best, but I'm not gonna be my worst. Red is with me because that is just not you're not gonna get the best version of it.

SPEAKER_00 14:07

Yeah, green zone, it kind of sucks because the green zone is when everyone on like I'm a night owl, and so green zone would be when the kids are down, like from like 10 to like a.m. Yeah like dude, you I will be in the zone then which is crazy.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

I have been asleep since been at that point since his kids have bed. This wind zone has started.

SPEAKER_00 14:25

Yeah, I'm like, yeah, I'm I'll be locked in like from 10 to 2. Like morning, dude. I know. I'll be like good, but like still like when I'm still the smallest things irk me. I'm just like, can you just shut up? Like parking for sure. Oh my god, I can't handle that. Caffeine. Like you don't, yeah. You won't get the best version of me. I'm gonna have to excuse myself. It's like, yeah, so you're rude and mean, you know. So, but yeah, no, I definitely do struggle with that time management. Screen wise, but kid-wise. Yep, that's that's my big struggle.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

Yep. And obviously, one thing we know about this is you're gonna have to adapt this to I was you know, I had no but to have a I was desk, computer, yeah, 530. And that would be a bad economy. And that's just what we did. Whether I was on the phone with teams around the country, whether I was putting something together, like actually doing work, whether I was reading, whether I was catching up on email, it was all screen. So do that. There are to be non-negotiables maybe situation. I think what we are talking about really finding one not to be on your device, but really learning how I can focus, make the most of that time when I am there, so that I don't have to constantly bleed that over into other areas.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Yeah, the media aspect of it too. That is a big addiction that we got a lot of are seriously struggling with that social media, like Doom Scroll. Well, it's escape, it's just level of you know what I mean. Is at the end of the day, what a lot of that is and like for new dads, like if that is, try to find that dopamine fix family, play them with your kids, like play present and be in the moment, have fun if a desk all day on like on your screen, you come their screen still, that that's not super healthy. And your overall health will suffer that. It's like because if you're at your desk all day, you're not physically to get a workout in with your kids, is a great workout. 100%, you know, like especially if you get really in it, like silly the game is, have fun with it, you know. Talking about now, like well, I'm whole. I'm saying with with green time, it's like if that is addiction, like truly addicted to it, you cannot be on your phone if you're playing actively playing with them, and you're doing yourself a favor and two doing yourself a good favor of being a good dad, being present and having fun with your kids while you and you're also doing yourself a uh like a health and wellness favor by not being on your phone and actually being active. So huge, huge, huge pro health and wellness aspects.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

That was one of the most important I think my dad did for me when I was growing up. Day after school, we would football in our yard. Yeah. You know, where and I knew I had my full attention when he was only focused on us. Yeah. Big last tips, tricks, anything on digital addiction?

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Um I I I I feel like I just kind of said it. Like it's really just since I don't struggle with it for you know to say like this it's it's easy. No, it's it's people. Um ultimately, you know, your kids are gonna be mimicking C and you know that you're addicted to when you're addicted to phone, then show them lead by example, that you're in your phone all the time. Yep. Best that you can. Get your home to your family time time. Yep. Do your phone later. Or maybe everyone's you can go in your phone. And do whatever you want. Yeah, do yeah. Um, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

It doesn't need to go there.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Yeah, well, I mean, just want to just want to make sure that you know they don't arrows podcasts. Do whatever you want. Tetris.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

Yeah, no, yeah, I would obviously number one, understand that if this is where you are, it's not where you have to stay. Um, digital is something that I do think should be taken. Yeah, if you're gonna do yourself any favor in this in increments, it is learning how to myself in the moment when I'm be on my phone, and then live in a day and age where so much information that we get hit with that we're not capable of responding to, it raises a how many negative effects. This is one thing you have the ability to do something about. That would be my thing. Yeah, just don't stay stuck forever. That's great. Helpful. Thanks again for joining us with Psalm or chapter three. Again, we thank you for we'll see you next time on the Raising Arrows Podcast.