Provider vs Present | Raising Arrows

Connor once asked his dad a question it took him thirty years to ask: what did you miss because of work? The answer involved a championship Little League game, a canceled meeting in Latin America, and a regret that never fully went away.

In this episode, Connor Sykes and Pastor Scott Stewart tackle the question every ambitious young dad eventually has to answer: what does it actually mean to provide for your family? Starting from 1 Timothy 5:8, they unpack the tension between godly ambition and worldly ambition, and why chasing a bigger paycheck can quietly cost you the moments you can never get back.

Connor shares the story of his father's success as a CEO, and the small and big moments that success couldn't buy back. Scott brings a pastor's eye to what real provision looks like when you're not the sole breadwinner, why "money dysmorphia" is stealing peace from households doing everything right, and how 1 Timothy 6:8 reframes contentment as its own kind of wealth. Together they get honest about boundary lines, delegated meetings, and the difference between being an ATM and being a father.

If you've ever wondered whether working that extra hour is worth what it costs at home, this episode is for you.

Anchor Scripture: 1 Timothy 5:8 — "But if anyone does not provide for his own family, especially for his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

Music: Beloved by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031
License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0
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Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

What's going on everybody? Welcome to Raising Arrows, the podcast for dads who are done pretending that they have it all figured out because let's be honest guys, we don't. I'm Connor Sykes, and with me as always is my good friend, Pastor Scott Stewart. And together we're talking marriage, fatherhood, and faith without the highlight reel. There's no lecture, there's no perfect answers by any means. And we're just two dads in the thick of it, chasing after God and trying our best to raise good kids in a chaotic world. What we talk about is faith, fatherhood, and the beautiful chaos in between. So without further ado, let's get into it.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Of the Raising Arrows Podcast. So glad that you're back with us. It's gonna be a great episode. Oh, yeah. It's gonna be a great season. Oh man, his faith is high this morning. It's awesome. As always, Connor Sykes with Scott Seward. We're so glad that you're with us. Thanks so much for joining us for the first couple of seasons. We are excited to continue to bring you content that adds value to your life, adds value to your parenthood, to your marriage. We hope that no matter what we do here, we point you back to Jesus and we bring value to your walk and your situation as well. So today we got a good one. We are talking about what it means to be the genuine provider of the household and not just provider from an emotional standpoint or a family standpoint, things that matter, things that should be addressed frequently. We're going to talk about that a little bit today. Yeah. But truly what it means to make money, to lead the home financially. And even if you're not the sole breadwinner in the family, what is the male's responsibility according to God's word for what it looks like to lead a home in this way? So we love starting out with Bible verses. We just think it's so important that we get straight into what matters most. So we're going to go to 1 Timothy 5.8 today. This is your scripture verse when it talks about overall provision financially. We're going to read it together and then we're going to jump into how we can apply this in our lives today. So 1 Timothy 5.8, here's what it says but if anyone does not provide for his own family, especially for his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. So there is, somewhat in a direct way, for sure, an example that God's word is giving us, that we are to provide for our own household, or else it is almost as if we've denied the faith and we've not even taken on. Because what is the heart of God? The heart of God is to care for his kids, to care for his family, his people. So the heart of a father, right? Of a physical father, of the man of a household would be to do the same thing. And that's what he's telling us there. So it's gonna be a great episode. I think because both of us are in a unique season where we are young dads, but we also do have, I would call godly ambition, we have things that we want to accomplish. Yeah, for sure. Versus worldly ambition versus selfish ambition, right? We want to use our giftings and our talents and things God's given us to advance in our lives. But there can be this trap that we think to ourselves, if I don't make X amount of money a year, then it's just like 1 Timothy 5.8, it's like written on my forehead. It's like, well, I'm not providing and I'm not, I'm not getting all the way there. So we want to talk about what that verse actually means and how you can apply it to your life if you are a high achiever, someone who has a lot of goals, a lot of dreams. God is not telling you to abandon those dreams. He's also not telling you to go all in on only those dreams, right? So today we're gonna start with this idea: I'm earning more than ever, but I'm missing the most of what matters. Yeah. The paycheck can never replace the presence of a father. And how have you felt like you've dealt with this early on, especially because now you're in the two-child territory where there's more that you could be missing than for sure.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

It's it's I I again, like you said, like we're we're both in like a unique season in our life. And so I I can't necessarily relate to this from the father's perspective because I work from home and I I get I'm blessed to see my kids all the time. Sometimes it is I wish that maybe I didn't just because I could get probably a little bit more done. Sure. But I do take those moments when they are knocking on the door or running into the office when I'm on like a Google Meets call and I just kind of laugh it off and I just I do enjoy it. But I can relate to it from the kids' perspective with my father, who he he was a he was a business owner and was the the CEO of a successful business, and he did get to a point where he was making more than ever, but with that, he was missing a lot of things at home. And he was gone on trips constantly and like for weeks, sometimes just like days at a time, sometimes weeks at a time. And even though yes, I I knew what he like he has to do this, it never I I it was more of just like I get he has to, but like me as a kid, it was almost like I thought he wanted to. Sure, you know, in the butcher. Yeah. And until I got older, I realized like now the responsibility is like with work and all this when I was working at the company too, before all this other stuff that we're doing. But yeah, it's like I don't really have a choice. Like I have like if we want, if I want to be a provider, if I want to get a paycheck or make more money, I have to do these things. Especially with when you speak as a family, like the lifestyle that you guys like want to live or want to do or want to have. It's like it costs money and you have to do it. But as a kid, I didn't understand that. And so he would miss games, and there's still I I actually just asked him this recently, like maybe a couple weeks ago, about was there anything that you missed because of work? Like, how did you balance the two of like being a CEO and being a dad? And he told me one story about when a client of ours was, I believe they were either uh thinking of leaving the company, like pulling the agents, or they were wanting to meet to like close a deal to like stab to have agents at our center. It was in like Latin America, and he my that was when we had our little league baseball championship game. Like we made it at the end, we were in the championship game, and like he was so excited for it. He was more excited than I was for it, and they had the meeting that day, and he had to fly to Latin America the day before, two days before. And he gets there, he misses he can't be at the game, and he is uh furious when they don't show up. They cancel the meeting, so he flew to Latin America, met with the team, and then they call the the client and says, We're not gonna meet. So he missed it for nothing. Wow, and he was furious, and that's just like one example of just kind of like earning more than ever, but missing everything that matters. And that's not on him. I you know, I I don't hold him, I don't hold any grudge against my father. I love my dad more than anything. And it just I I know that he does have those like little regrets. I probably have chipped away at him from how much he missed. Sure. You know, yeah. But I'm curious, like with you though, like with your role, because I feel like I feel like I'm I'm very fortunate to be able to work from home, but you are your schedule is wild with your role. Yeah, do you feel like this applies to you pretty frequently?

SPEAKER_00 7:37

Not yet, I will say, mainly because I am really like I put up pretty hard boundary lines. Even my even my friends experience that I put up pretty hard boundary lines when it comes to family time because I know what the risk is. I know and it's thank God it's it's across the board. My wife, I'm sure, would even say, Yeah, did you see my text? I'm like, I'm with my son right now. So I get that focus on all the time. I'm I'm focusing. But it is this idea of you know what that world could turn into very, very quickly. I'm gone early in the morning a lot of days, I'm late at night some nights. And if I'm not intentional about that time in the in-between, yeah, it's gonna be a huge issue. And like even yesterday, what a great opportunity I had. My wife had to go work in an event. She's on our events team at our church, and so she had to go work in an event, and I had Shiloh for like man, six, seven hours. And that is so rare for me where I have that much time for with him in a single setting that isn't a day off, right? During a normal workday, work week, I should say. And so, yeah, of course, I had to take him. So, what did I do? I delegated leading that meeting to somebody else on the call who's perfectly capable. I chimed in very occasionally, I stayed on for only the part that I was needed for, and I went back to what matters most. And so I do think there is this world where we try and have our cake and eat it too, and I don't think that's always sustainable. But I do think that if you are genuinely pouring into your family and you are like fulfilling the call of God on your life as a dad, then you have no issues with pursuing business and aspiring to be a really successful person over here, as long as you're not forsaking what's over here. And I think that's what we're talking about, right?

SPEAKER_01 9:20

Yeah, it's not sacrificing one for the other, right? It's finding the balance between the two.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

I can earn. I may not be able to earn everything I want to earn, but that is where First Timothy, I think it's actually First Timothy 6, 8, so one full chapter later, says godliness with contentment is great gain. Because it talks about this idea of physical training and how important that is. And then he writes right at almost like a tagline at the end physical training is of some benefit, but godliness with contentment is of great gain. Yeah. Because there's just this idea that if I'm right with God and my character and my heart are where they need to be, then I can be content with what I have, even if it's not everything. You know what I mean? That it's so true though.

SPEAKER_01 10:01

I mean, I Haley and I before like I was BC, like for for myself. Um, it was like I you I could make 10 times more than what I was making. It still wouldn't be enough. Right. You know, and it never will be. Like you're always gonna like you'll hit like, okay, I need to make like a hundred K. Yep. You'll hit it. It's like I when you I need to make 150K. No, no, no, okay, not 200k. Because your goals change.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

We always move the goalposts.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

Yeah. And so it's like you're you're never gonna get to a point or make um like an income high enough that is suitable. You're always gonna want more. Yep. And when it comes to faith in God, it's once I started going back into church and getting involved and really just accepting Christ as my savior and really doing my best to follow Him, it I I don't feel that anymore. You know, it's more of like whatever is put in my way, whatever is put in front of me to work on, to do, or whatever opportunity is presented to me, I'll pray about it. And if it's where I sense that God is leading me, I'll do it. And I feel so full after that compared to trying to find like the highest paying job, trying to look here, what business opportunity is gonna give the best, you know, in income for myself and for my family. It was never enough. Yeah, and now it's more of like God, like what are you gonna put in front of me today? What are we gonna work on? And I it it's a it's a complete flip, you know? So it just I would encourage any of you guys that that are if you're sacrificing family for work, it's it's just gonna be an uphill battle, and you're gonna miss a lot of things that you wish you didn't miss. And me as a child, when I was I didn't I still haven't forgotten all things my dad missed. So it does stick with him with your kids, but just pray about it and just really think and consider is that extra hour needed at work? Like if if being here for an extra hour is it really gonna make a difference. Yep. Truly. Yep. And if it's not, that extra hour with your family and with your kids will make a huge difference. Amen. Yeah. But yeah, it's it's it's it is it is a difficult spot to be in for sure.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

It is, but there's also the other side of the coin in the equation, which is I have plenty, but I think I need more. Yeah. Right. And so the the term, I don't know if you've ever heard of the idea of like body dysmorphia, and so I see my body differently than it actually is. Well, now there's this term money dysmorphia, which is people, households looking at their accounts and saying, Oh my gosh, like the world is ending. And yet you're actually okay. Like God has provided for you. All your basic needs are met. You're not gonna skip on a mortgage payment for a month or something like that. But we get this idea that if I'm not constantly accumulating, then I'll just inevitably fall behind. And I think the God that we serve is telling us, how about you consistently steward what I give you and you'll always have enough? Yep. Because that's my promise to you as you are God, is you will always have enough when you take care of what I entrust to you. That stewarding sermon that PA gave.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

Oh, so good. Oh my gosh. It opened up my eyes and Haley's eyes because we were this family that would look and we like we don't have enough in our account. Like we we we need to be like better at saving or doing whatever. And I feel like our like the millennial generation, I feel like we're really bad at managing money. We are, and even like the 2026, there was a data, and I'll see if I can I gotta find a report somewhere in my folder, but if I do, I'll link it to the episode. But data shows that even households earning six figures report feeling constantly behind, anxious, and and quote unquote broke, wild, despite doing everything right. And I think that that is a just for our generation, especially, we are so like what's the word? Instant like gratification. So we get the paycheck and we instantly are like, I'm gonna go buy that thing I want. Yeah because I've been I've been wanting to get it, I'm gonna go buy these new shoes, or oh, I'm gonna go on this vacation, this trip to go like this this EDM festival or whatever it may be. And personal example, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. College. Um and so it's like we we just we need to do a better job of stewarding what he gives us instead of spending it on all these worldly things that have no value at all, right? Which is something that I do I still struggle with um is stewarding our finances well. And Haley and I have talked about that, and it's something that we are working on currently. And we all are, by the way.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

Yeah, we all are. You would have to, I would love to find the data to see how many men would say they're confident in how they're stewarding their finances versus when you pulled them anonymously. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I really would. Like, just being totally honest, in my even in my own life, I can probably count on maybe just a couple of hands, and I'm around a lot of great leaders of how many people I'm like, I want my finances to look like theirs. Yeah. Yeah. It's not that easy to find a great example.

SPEAKER_01 15:27

My my brother-in-law, I want my finances to look like his.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

Yep. So you have you have that. And Shay and I, obviously, we have our own couples that we're like, if we can manage it like they have, then we can ultimately maybe not see the exact same fruit, because that again gets in that comparison game.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

But we that's the other thing. It's it's a comparison thing. It is, it is all a comparison thing.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

And it's they make this, we make this, well, we're behind.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

Yeah. Or you feel like a failure, and which is so not correct. Like it's just money, uh, we we in the US especially, we live in this world of like money equals status and money equals success. Right. And I think that that's also part of this money dysmorphia thing. It's like, no, that is not how the Bible looks at it at all. Not at all. And it's you you need to reverse that thinking because if you are comparing yourself against like your neighbor against like anything else, and you're like, it isn't like do not envy what you're um isn't that like don't covet your neighbor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's a ten commandment. Yeah, it's a sin. But it's like if you're wanting everything that they have, or if you want this, it's gonna create a lot of, especially if and for like married couples, right? It will create a strain because if the wife is the one that is wanting to have what your neighbors or your friends have, and you, the dad, are like, I I'm content with what we have. We this is I feel like we have enough. Yep. That's gonna create a strain and resist and it's gonna create a lot of pressure on the if the father is or the dad's the one that's like earning the money, it's gonna create a lot of strain on him to feel like he has to now do more, leading into that first point of I'm you'll have to start working more, putting in more hours, trying to look for other opportunities. Yep. So you're gonna be missing more by trying to earn more.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

And it's just it's not healthy.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

And even to that first point, like there's a there's another side of even that first point that we didn't talk about, which are you may not miss a lot of big moments, but you might miss a ton of small moments. Yeah. Like last night, of course, I could have put on a movie for Shiloh and been like, all right, kid, here's Moana. Let me go work on this thing over here at this back table. Yep. And what a waste of my life that would be. Yeah. And I might get further ahead in my job and further ahead in my goals and all that stuff. But when am I gonna get that time back? The answer is never, ever, ever, ever. So God can always call me to do more, but he'll never give me more time to be able to be with my family. That's good. And that's a man, that should rock us to our core if we love our families. Yeah. And if we're like, you know what, that's cool. I love them, but the best way that I'm gonna love them is by providing for them, then just be honest with yourself that that's how you feel about your scenario. Yeah, for sure. Different thing, totally different thing. It really is. All right, so now we've talked obviously a lot about finances. We want to put a wrap on this by talking about the whole family. So we did mention 1 Timothy 8, 5, 8, I should say, obviously, very specific to money. This is covering your family financially. Very, very important. However, we would be remiss if we did not talk about all the other things that God calls us to provide for our family simply by being husbands, fathers, leaders of our home, right? Things like emotional security, spiritual covering, the genuine presence that we carry into our home. It's what permeates through our home. I mean, the wife can be the homemaker and can really help keep the tone of the home, but I do think the male sets a lot of the tone of the home.

SPEAKER_01 19:02

The temperature gate temperature.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Temperature rises or falls based on how dad walks into the room and man alive. That should all show us once again that how I show up not just with my money, but how I show up with my makeup is really what my family is going to take away. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Like, like, guys, don't fall into the trap of your family looks at you like an ATM. Like, because if if you think that your only role as provider is I provide money, then you're missing the call that God has on your life as a father completely. And if if you start thinking of yourself as, okay, I my only role is I just go to work, I come back home, and I just I money. Right. I just provide the money for the family. No matter how big or small that is, you're missing out on a com huge aspect of what it means to actually be a provider when it comes to how God has asked you to be a provider. And you also will set yourself up to think about yourself like that yourself. Because if you just constantly live that mindset of, like, oh, my family just thinks I'm like an ATM, all I do is just make money and bring it home, and then we just spend it or whatever it is, you'll start viewing yourself that way. And that'll eat into how you start to act as a father and become more distant, become a little just less engaged, um, and be more involved at work because that's where you feel like you're bringing value. Yep. But that's not true. Your call is to be a father, to be present, to be there with your kids for the little moments, the big moments, and to feel with them, to like you know, don't what, like win with them, to fail with them, all those things. And you're not just an ATM. You're not just a bank. You are a father, you're a husband, and a role model for your children. And I say that just in all sincereness, like just if you feel that way, please try to just consider the other side of the coin.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

Yep, shift the case.

SPEAKER_01 21:08

So you're not just an ATM.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

Yeah, yeah, you know, it was so unique. I preached at Fight Night, our men's night down at South Tampa a few times. I wish I would do that. Well, it was it was uh it was a good night overall, mainly because the amount of guys that walked out and told me that they felt appropriately challenged by the message. And what was so interesting to me is I did not talk about finances. The whole idea was that it's the things that are worth fighting for. And it is out of it's actually out of First Timothy, where Paul talks about fighting the good fight, right? I'm convinced you guys are taking our episodes. I know, I know, I am. It's just all it's all working around.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

Like Scott, got any good uh got any good like sermons or whatever? Actually, actually, I have a ton.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

I have a ton. But so I we preached on all the things worth fighting for your soul, your heart, your integrity, your family, your friends, like your brotherhood kind of thing. And not a single person came up to me afterward and said, were you gonna talk about finances? Wow. That's It's almost like we know, even in the depths of our hearts, that that's just not something that is ultimately worth fighting for the way that the world tells us to fight for it. Yeah. It's almost like when we unpack God's word, we understand that our soul and our heart and our integrity and our family and our friends and the people that God puts around us, that is the ultimate war.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

And all this other stuff, it is just like money for me is almost just like how many tools do I have in my armor bag to you know what I mean? But a lack of money does not mean that I'm lacking in my ability to go fight for my family and the things that God tells me matter most.

SPEAKER_01 22:37

Well, isn't that isn't it in Proverbs where it talks about like a wealthy something about like forgive me, I'm this is where I'm still learning. But it's like it's like something like with a wealthy man and it's like being clouded by oh geez, what is it?

SPEAKER_00 22:54

Well, the Bible has a ton to say about riches in general. Not a lot of good things. Yeah. Not a lot of good things about rich people. Just to be totally honest.

SPEAKER_01 23:02

There's something about it. And and it it struck a chord with me because it was basically the way I read it was how the money that you like if you have like a lot of wealth, it's gonna be like taint your world of like your view of like the world and everything else, and yet to the poor they have all that they need or something along those lines. That would make sense, and not in those words exactly, obviously, but when I read it, I'm like, yeah, like when you think about it, like I'm not not anything like just saying in the sense of like in that aspect of how I read it was when you have nothing, you have everything. And when you have everything, you have nothing. That type of mentality.

SPEAKER_00 23:47

So we love Solomon, yeah. Richest man in the world, right, wisest man in world history that wasn't Jesus, the author of the book of Ecclesiastes, one of the most depressing books in the entire Bible. Really? Why? Because all he talks about is this is all meaningless, it's all vanity, all of it. He the amount of times he says vanity in the first 12 verses are just like over and over and over again. This is the our view of the most successful man. So many people want the wealth of Solomon or the wisdom of Solomon, but they don't read the words of Solomon, which tell you, I have all this, it means nothing to me.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:31

Dude, again, we have just a very worldly cultural perspective, and there's no wonder why we're bombarded by that message day by day. And there is nothing but make more, accumulate more, do more, more, more, more, right? But we have the the smartest man who's ever lived outside of Christ saying, I have everything. And it's meaningless to me.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

Yeah. All right. I feel like that's a lot of wealthy people, though. I feel like a lot of like very wealthy people are depressed. Yep. Like they again, like they have everything, but yet they're empty, you know? And then you you find like people who have maybe next to nothing, and yet, like when on this past mission strip that I went on into Guatemala, like guys, like these people are living in in homes in the highlands of Guatemala, and like their house is made of clay, like they have nothing, like truly nothing, but they are the happiest people I've ever met in my entire life. And that was something that I I took away and I told Haley like the first thing, I was like, we need to get rid of all of our stuff. We're gonna make our house out of clay now. Like, but it was just like, I'm like, they they they're not since they're disconnected from the world in the sense of like they're not bombarded like with all this social media crap and things like from Western culture of like bigger house means happy and like all these toys and cars and da da da. Like you'll be like, what? No, it's like no, they don't have anything, and yet they're just so happy. And it, I'm like, it it's true, like we really don't you don't need much, right? You know, and while I'm looking at my office at this stuff, I'm like, I need to get rid of it all. But no, it's just it it really should just we need to get better at that as as especially as men, as you don't need to be the provider in the sense of like you don't need to make the highest like income ever to make your family like proud of you or happy or to provide. You just need to be present, you need to be loving, you need to be open, you need to be there. Take care of what God tells you to take care of.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

Yeah, and He'll take care of the rest.

SPEAKER_01 26:37

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

Awesome. Amen. Hey, thanks for joining us. We hope we added value to your life. Welcome into season three. We're excited for the rest of it. We'll see you next time on the Raising Arrows Podcast. Nice. Yeah, that was good. I'll wear the mouse as uh blue.